


Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made.

by kya0810



Category: SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Almost rape but Shintaro was a good boy, Childhood Friends, College, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Jealousy, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Physical Abuse, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:11:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26360155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kya0810/pseuds/kya0810
Summary: Cowards need to do better in the name of love.
Relationships: Matsumura Hokuto/Morimoto Shintarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi...  
> It's me again,  
> wiggling my ass for HokuShin...  
> So, this time, not really Underage but just a 'little' bit Underage, drinking, and implied sex :>  
> Apologies to Hoku-tan out there for making Hokuto suffer but yeah I need to (I love him too huhuhuhu)  
> Yeah, enjoy reading then :>  
> Multiple chapters. :>

Hokuto was a total mess, he knew that, and he regretted it.

Reaching eighteen was like a release from his imaginary prison. He didn’t have to hide his sexuality, could finally have the courage to love and to be loved back, to try out things he wouldn’t even think of when he was still in high school.

But there was one thing he could never get over with,

Morimoto Shintaro.

They met in one freezing winter, when Hokuto forgot to bring his umbrella and the snow was storming above his head. A ten year-old Hokuto, travelling on the street alone on Christmas, running away from home because he could no longer stand all the abusive words his parents were throwing at each other. 

Hokuto stopped at a candy shop. He hesitated to walk in, he had no money on him, plus the fear of being kicked out for looking like a beggar. 

So he just stood there, under the colorful eave, watching people picking up candies wrapped in glossy papers, listening to the Christmas Carol people singing on the street, and enjoying the sound of the jingling bells, the smell of freshly-made French baguettes. 

He licked his lower lips. No kids could resist sweets anyway, especially on Christmas.

But Hokuto got no one.

Those things that represented a human’s joy would never belong to him even once, Hokuto bitterly thought.

Suddenly, there was a candy cone pressed against his chubby cheeks, 

“Why the long face?”

A kid with shuffle black hair tamed down by a green beanie, pink cheeks and red nose because of the cold, and how much he looked like Rudolph, bringing Santa’s gift to Hokuto,

‘Take it, it’s for you!”

The kid smiled, his eyes curved with excitement and Hokuto swore he saw them  _ twinkle,  _ like those of God’s dearest angels,

“Thank you,” he took the candy and shyly smiled back, “can...can I know your name?”

“Morimoto Shintaro. And you are?”

“M-Matsumura...Hokuto…”, he answered while smelling the candy, imagining how delicious it would taste.

“Your name sounds like the northern star! So cool! Wanna come in? This is my family shop, I can give more if you want!” 

And just like that, Hokuto was lured into Shintaro’s life. Two kids running around a candy shop, hands in hands, under the mistletoe.

At least one wish had been fulfilled that starry night.

Hokuto might be the only customer that came to the shop not for the candies, but for something even more tempting. Since when he didn’t know, he always ran as fast as he could when school ended to the candy shop, said hi to Mrs. Morimoto, went straight upstairs, lying on the bed and waiting for Shintaro to come home and they would hang out until there was no one on the street. 

Years later when they hit fourteen, hormones sneaked in like a cunning snake, squeezed in another fun thing into their schedule. It was when Hokuto turned his face to Shintaro one night, just before Shintaro opened his eyes.

They both stared at each other for a moment, until a mystic force of the universe, maybe the same as the one which ignited the Big Bang, gave them a small push in the back.

Their lips met, sweeter than any candies in Hokuto’s childhood memory, exploding fireworks from each knuckle of neurons, and suddenly every touch felt like a Christmas miracle.

They devoured each other that night, out of curiosity, nothing less, nothing more. Hokuto was peeled off like a forbidden fruit of heaven, layers by layers, until there was nothing but his true virginal self before Shintaro’s eyes, and the boy was a growing carnivore, experiencing his first hunt.

But looking back whenever morning came, they felt hollow. Their bodies attached but their souls were unease, waves of youth’s insecurities ripped their feelings apart like magnets with opposite signs. The memory carved a hole in their hearts, that no one had yet known how to fill it up again.

All was like the summer heat. It hit them hard, leaving them hanging on their own silent cries, and left.

  
  


High school tasted like warm soup on a cold day of November. They laughed together when the sun was up, and by night, they climbed up the rooftop, stole a whiskey, and were together until the last star was outshone by sunshine.

They drank, and they talked big. Hokuto shared his dream for Toudai, a college for elites, and he was trying his best to earn a scholarship because his family didn’t even bother to give him proper food on the plate, not to mention college. Shintaro knew nothing about his future, except for one. He knew he wanted Hokuto by his side. 

Seeing Hokuto gazing up at the stars, hands navigating them, north, and then south, he explained how things moved east and west, how black holes gulped lights, and how the universe expanded into the unknown. Hokuto’s eyes shone happiness and stars twinkling in his pupils, creating a small universe, adding into Hokuto’s amorous beauty. 

When their eyes met, Shintaro could see his own reflection in Hokuto’s eyes, like he was drowning in the sea of massive galaxies. 

Something was beating in his chest, and he didn’t know why he was so sure that wasn’t the heart. It was like a new feeling being born, a little frustration, a little calmness. 

He brought Hokuto into his arms and fiercely marked him his, touches, kisses, all the things that drove Hokuto wild, 

When he helped Hokuto chase his climax, sadness jumped out like a beast under the bed, whispering a future where they returned to nothing.

They acted like they had a clue of what was happening. But they didn’t. And they tried to run away from that fact, by distracting themselves into intimate wanting. 

They weren’t kids anymore, but not really adults. They realized the problem, but solving it was another story.

Shintaro knew this was not going anywhere. It was just pure lust, hormonal desire, the thing that depowered the name of the feelings he had for Hokuto.

Thus he closed his eyes, and wished tomorrow would never come.

  
  


Hokuto grew up like a gem lying under a cool-off lava mat, sharp and raw, dangerous yet tempting. His family’s level of mistreat was reaching its peak, they started hitting him, thinking he was a young adult now so he could endure it. But Shintaro always figured out where Hokuto hid the beaten mark or bruises, by the way he dropped the sleeves of the uniform, or the way he combed his hair to one side. It was painful to watch, but Hokuto didn’t care. He got used to being treated like a punching bag anyway. 

As long as he was with Shintaro, and their touches were still lingering on each other, nothing could hurt him for real. Hokuto knew he would be safe, as long as Shintaro continued having him in his embrace. They both secretly hid this type of commitment only to themselves. 

  
  
  


After years of trying to catch up with Hokuto, Shintaro ended up in the same college with his  _ friend _ . They moved into the same apartment. Hokuto was in charge of cooking and Shintaro in charge of cleaning, their lives kept going on beautifully like they promised before.

Things were a little bit complicated when they were sophomores. Hokuto, spending one year getting used to the outside world, where his family could no longer reach him. 

And he flew off the nest.

Hokuto started throwing himself into college life and soon dating. All boys and girls in the university were struck at first sight by a one-of-a-kind beauty, sparkling eyes, flush cheeks, full lips that parted seductively, always ready for a kiss, curvy black hair, and a model-like body figure. 

The relationship never lasted for so long. A few days at least, a few weeks at most. Too many that there were rumors that Hokuto was nothing but a male whore. Until everyone wanted to give it a try with him. But every boy he used to date was of a specific standard, to be at least having a thing on this list,

Brown hair.

Piercings.

Curvy lips.

Lively voice.

Warm broad hands.

Until he met Akira. This man satisfied all of his conditions, Hokuto chose to stick with him the longest time. Sometimes Hokuto brought him home, making out on the sofa, doing something vocal in his completely-not-soundproof room. And sometimes Shintaro came home to those things.

He didn’t know how to feel.

He didn’t know what feelings he held the right to have.

Akira didn't love Hokuto that much. He only dated Hokuto because the boy was rumored to be the most appealing boy in the school.

And Hokuto didn’t really love him that much. He never looked at him as a real person. He only noticed the small details of Akira, and was drawn into him. The details that reminded Hokuto of another person.

.

It was a stormy night. Hokuto was out early in the afternoon, there was just Shintaro at home catching up with his study. Suddenly there was a bang at the door.

Hokuto was wet like a street rat, it seemed like he had been rushing his way home with some fallouts because there was still dirt on his cheeks. On him was a white t-shirt, soaked to the point that it showed most of his skin, wrong buttons, belts and pants not collaborating well, and his damped hair dropping raindrops, leaving a water streak on the floor. 

He was standing in front of Shintaro’s room, like a beg to come in, one hand holding on to the other. Shintaro let him in, not yet to notice that Hokuto’s eyes were no longer sparkling the stars but now red and swollen, filled up with liquid that no one could be sure if it was raindrops or tears. His lips were no where better, half bleeding, half bruising, and his body trembling, more than ready to fall apart right now.

Shintaro let Hokuto sit on the bed, while he was kneeling on the floor, reached out for a towel to dry Hokuto up. The boy stroke his bangs up, only found out Hokuto’s state was the worst he had ever seen,

“Hokuto...why is your face like this?” Shintaro didn’t dare to touch his face, like he was afraid to widen the wound,

“I...hgh...broke up with Akira…” Hokuto answered between hiccups and sobs, tears began to fall down, passing his wounded lips, triggering the pain.

Shintaro was always weak with his friend crying, how could he stand to see the most beautiful person he had ever met shedding a tear because of a pain he couldn’t share. But he didn’t know anymore. He wished he had the right to wipe the tears away by his endearing kisses, on the eyes, on the tip of his nose, and on those pursing lips, and his hands would touch the chest to calm the heart. But even when he did them all, they still progressed zero. Or worse, to negative infinity. Seeing Hokuto like this really woke his inner monster up, too vague to be called jealous, but figurative enough to drum roll inside his aching chest.

“Did you fall?” Shintaro’s voice became lower, but still soft and gentle, mostly caring, but with a shade of anger,

“Or did he hit you?”

“I was tired of him anyway.” 

Hokuto tried to talk straight as he put on a pathetic smile, it was his last effort to compress all the shit he had to bear tonight. It was over, thank god it was all over, and he was safe in Shintaro’s arms.

Shintaro cupped his face with his one hand, slightly caressed the wound by his thumb, carefully brushing it, he felt an urge to lean in and land a kiss there.

“Are you comfortable with sharing it out with me?”

Hokuto hesitated when he heard that. He parted his lips, intended to speak up, but then he shut himself again. After a few seconds, Hokuto looked like he gave up on whatever would happen. 

He looked straight into Shintaro’s eyes, like a confront, like a confession,

“I called out your name during sex.”

Shintaro was stunned. 

How could Hokuto do this to him? 

How could he?

Shintaro didn’t know how to process what he just heard.

Should he like it, because it meant he was always on Hokuto’s mind, even during sex with another guy.

Or should he hate it, because in stead of just being by his side, Hokuto chose to be with another guy and then calling out his name, like a  _ bait,  _ like a fucking dead trap,

So Shintaro chose to be angry,

“That only proves the fact I’m better than him in bed, doesn’t it?”

Shintaro’s eyes darkened, he dropped the towel he was holding and stood straight up, lifted Hokuto’s face by the chin, aiming his furious eyes onto the other. Hokuto could sense the danger upfront, he tried to calm Shintaro down, by taking both his hands to hold gently on Shintaro’s wrist,

“That’s not the point, Shintaro, the point is…”

“Is what?”

The boy suddenly pushed Hokuto down the bed with such strength he had never known he possessed, made Hokuto go for a small whine under his throat, like something was being hurt. 

Shintaro grabbed Hokuto by the shaft, earning a suppressed moan, biting his neck until he heard a clear cry,

“Shintaro...please...not now…”

“Isn’t this what you want, Hokuto?”

He attacked Hokku’s lips with strength mixed with frustration, licking nonstop at the dried wound until he tasted blood again, his tongue intruding the older’s steamy oral, their tongues dancing, battling, while Shintaro’s hand was still working on Hokuto’s shirt and pants to remove them completely.

Shintaro stripped his shirt off, ready to ravish Hokuto without preparing,

Before his eyes was Hokuto’s naked body, full of bruises, cuts, and scars, some were still healing, some looked like they had just been made an hour ago,

From his shoulder, to his chest, down the thighs, and even on the feet there were marks of burned cigarettes, abominable scars covering his body like accessories, 

Looking up, Shintaro witnessed a scene which carved onto his heart forever. Hokuto’s body kept shaking out of pain and fear, he bit his palm to muffle every sound vibrating out, and his neck, marks of brutal suffocation were heart-throbbingly visible.

“Hokuto…”

_ What has that asshole done to you? _

Hokuto knew what Shintaro was about to ask, but he couldn’t answer between uncontrollable sobs, when both physical and mental suffering drained all his energy to even breathe. 

“Hokuto, I...I’m sorry…”

Shintaro retreated himself from Hokuto, quickly pulled the blanket to his side and wrapped it around the shuddering body. 

He rushed out, shut the damn door and gradually slid himself down on it, hands holding his head up, trying his best to think and not to think too much at the same time,

Why were they like this?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 2 is not gonna be this dark I promise.


End file.
